I WISH I HAD SAID THAT!

Many of the following quotes were collected from Anu Garg's A.Word.A.Day.
Most of the others were culled from the signature files of subscribers to lists I frequent.

HELP! SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY KEYBOARD. - E.E. CUMMINGS

The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.

There never was child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

If you want truly to understand something, try to change it. - Kurt Lewin

A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. - Antoine de Saint-Exup'ery

Support Cultural Diversity: Attend Both Opera & Hockey - Malcolm (Mac) Parks

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

If a first you don't succeed, give up. No use making a fool of yourself.

"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it." - W.C. Fields

If you want good service, then serve yourself. - Spanish Proverb

Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill

He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.

Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic. - Jean Sibelius

When in doubt, do as doubters do.

There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

Formula for success: Underpromise and overdeliver. - Tom Peters

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. - US Vice President J. Danforth Quayle

Don't you just hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals?

The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy. -Florence Scovel Shinn

Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Honor Cultural Diversity — Attend Both Opera & Hockey!!

Jumping to conclusions can be a bad exercise.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. - Douglas Adams [Last Chance to See]

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."

Love me or hate me, but spare me your indifference. - Libbie Fudim

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. - Samuel Butler

If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Grad school is the snooze button on the clock-radio of life. - Comedian John Rogers (who holds a graduate degree in physics)

Swing hard, in case they throw the ball where you're swinging. - Duke Snider

When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. - US Vice President J. Danforth Quayle

I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year. -The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

Modern man thinks he loses something - time - when he does not do things quickly. Yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains --- except kill it. - Erich Fromm

"OK, I'll admit that there is a .00000000000000005% chance that God does exist, but if he does what makes you think he gives a s**t about you" - (Attributed to) Albert Ellis

I used to think the most awful thing would be to be tortured to death slowly, but then I realized I could always be tortured to death MORE slowly. - Albert Ellis

If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. - Thomas Szasz

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

"A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep." - W. H. Auden

"I used to be a heavy gambler. Now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind." - Steve Allen

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' - Isaac Asimov

"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

"Each generation must learn that the stove is hot" - Unknown

When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people. - Seneca

Imagine a school with children that can read or write, but with teachers who can not, and you have a metaphor of the Information Age in which we live. - Peter Cochrane

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein, Cambridge philosopher

He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.

That life is worth living is the most necessary of assumptions, and were it not
assumed, the most impossible of conclusions. - George Santayana

Never cut what you can untie. - Joseph Joubert

When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?

You can't always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes you'll get what you need.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.   - Groucho Marx

Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Quarrels would not last long if the fault were only on one side. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

All that non-fiction can do is answer questions. It's fiction's business to ask them. - Richard Hughes

If God intended one space between sentences, why do we have two thumbs?

I have lived in the world just long enough to look carefully the second time into those things that I am most certain of the first time. - Josh Billings

"If you see a turtle sitting on a fence post, just remember he had some help getting there." - Unknown

If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Expert: Avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

People who live in windowed environments shouldn't cast pointers.

Do you know what a pessimist is? A person who thinks everybody as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. - George Bernard Shaw

Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. - William James

There are three kinds of people; those who can count and those who cannot.

So much to do, so litt(hang on a sec...)

"Education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get." - W. L. Bryan

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. - Oscar Wilde

Fear is a darkroom for developing negatives.

If you board the wrong train, it's no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

I think, therefore I am.
I think, therefore I am, I think.
I think, therefore I am .... at least, I think I am.
I think, therefore I am .... at least, I think I think I am.

Do not confine your children to your own learning, for they were born in another time. - Hebrew proverb

program (pro'-gram) [n] A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages.

In a democracy you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Two step formula for handling stress:
1. Don't sweat the small stuff.
2. Remember that it's all small stuff. - Anthony Robbins

If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.

"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." - Vice President Dan Quayle